I was in the hospital. Rendered disorientated by the bright lights.

My chest felt as if it were going to crumble, the pressure too great.

Hooked up to a machine by mouth, my body eased and I fell asleep.

I'm in a silly mood.

I wonder if pepsi owns pabst. they just seem in love.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND MARCH FIFTH FOO.

Chris thinks I should take him for his bday. Uh. Fuck that dude. Get a job. I'm going to go TWICE opening day. And maybe again.

I moved. Into a huge house that overlooks the city. If i squint hard enough, I can see Chris' house. I had a grammatical error. Chris helped me fix it.

I've got the whole world at my feet. In marijuanaville, you are the soil beneath my kleets. 

Violets are blue
roses are red
daisies are yellow
the flowers are DEAD.

Internet is scaring me. Someone might take away the internet and we will all turn into zombies and eat everyone out of our sheer anguish and, simply put, withdrawals. Brains will replace our addiction to endless gaming, reading, and chatting. The world will be in chaos.
I'm definitely going to have nightmares tonight. I hope I don't snore though.

I can't function. My phone is on the table and my arms cannot reach across the room to grab it. What is this horrid mutation that I am burdened with? I do believe our arms should be able to do that. I mean, everyone would LIKE for that to happen, so why can't some scientist create some sort of arm contraption that allows your puny arms reach long distances? It would be very practical, and almost painless! I should start researching this immediately. Therefore, I must bid thee good morrow.

Bye.

I have found myself in a false world.

I have lied to myself.

I have lost myself.


I'm about to be homeless, again. I slept with him...for nothing. I smoke everything that crosses my path. I have 96 cents to my name. I'm riding my bike all the way across town to work. I don't have food. I'm losing beauty. I'm falling, fading into a world I once despised.

And here I am, with a cigarette between my lips, my pants torn, my shirt dirty, my hair tangled, with a tear rolling down my cheek.

I inhale every last bit of smoke, hoping for that feeling. That painless, light feeling, where everything is echoed and found delightful. A slow exhale and the world seems less frightening, less cruel. Forgetting all my sorrows, a smile slowly stretches across my face and stays till its sore. My body relaxes, my pains diminish. For just a small while, all of life is beautiful, wonderful, and I feel safe. If only it lasted a bit longer....